Statistics can often be misleading. They can be a tool used only to illuminate opinion. But every once in a while a stat comes up that transcends opinion. It sheds light on the entire story – not just one side’s view.

For the Cleveland Browns it’s this transcendent stat … 1-15 in season openers the last 16 years.

Think about that for a second. Bask in how undeniably awful it is.

Sixteen season openers, one win. Fourteen times they had home games to start a season – one win.

Here’s some other fun numbers just to warm everyone up.

– The Browns have scored more than 20 points in just one season opener, and of course, lost that game.

– The Browns have failed to score a single touchdown three times and you guessed it, all losses.

– Surprisingly, the Browns have also held their opponent out of the end-zone three times as well, but still managed to lose two of those.

– Three times, the Browns opened the season against the Pittsburgh Steelers and Cleveland has been outscored 107-34 … yes, that is not a misprint.

As we get ready to embark on another action-packed Cleveland Browns season, let’s take a trip down memory lane at the previous 16 season openers.

Week One (1999) – vs. Pittsburgh – Loss 43-0

This is always a fun game to look back on as it couldn’t have possibly been more lopsided. Luckily for Browns fans we really didn’t mind getting blown out at home on national television on a Sunday night against what used to be our hated rivals, because we had the Browns back … just a completely less talented bunch than the ones that were stolen from us four years prior.

Here’s some staggering numbers that seem unbelievable unless you actually watched this game live.

– The Browns had two first downs the entire game … two.

– The Steelers scored more points (43) than the Browns had total yards (40).

– Cleveland’s longest run of the game belonged to Terry Kirby, who scampered for four whole yards in the second quarter.

– Cleveland ran two plays in Pittsburgh territory … two.

– The closest the Browns came to scoring a touchdown is when they reached Pittsburgh’s 45-yard-line.

– The most jaw-dropping statistic of them all is that Cleveland would actually go on to defeat the Steelers two months later in Pittsburgh.

Week Two (2000) – vs. Jacksonville – Loss 27-7

A game that was actually much closer than the score would indicate.

Tim Couch got the start and completed 19 of 27 passes with zero interceptions. Trailing 10-7 midway through the 3rd quarter, Couch had the Browns on the move, but Aaron Shea fumbled on Jacksonville’s 11-yard-line. The Jaguars would recover and go on to score on their next three possessions.

Week Three (2001) – vs. Seattle – Loss 9-6

Sixty minutes of football that could be summed up by three series of plays.

– Phil Dawson missing a 37-yard field goal in the 1st quarter.

– Cleveland throwing two incomplete passes on Seattle’s five-yard-line late in the 4th quarter, having to settle for a game-tying field goal.

– Cleveland giving up a 49-yard kick-off return with less than two minutes left. Seattle then just needed one complete pass before kicking the game-winning field-goal.

And yes, the game was as boring as it sounds.

Week Four (2002) – vs. Kansas City – Loss 40-39

Otherwise known as The Helmet Toss Game. 

Thanks for everything Dwayne Rudd.

Week Five (2003) – vs. Indianapolis – Loss 9-6

It’s the last time in Peyton Manning’s incredible history that his team failed to score a touchdown in a game, which is probably only the third or fourth strangest fact in this column.

Second opening game in three years Cleveland doesn’t allow a touchdown and still manages to lose.  Incredibly enough, they did it against Peyton Manning.

It’s the last time in Peyton Manning’s incredible history that his team failed to score a touchdown in a game, which is probably only the third or fourth strangest fact in this column.

Week Six (2004) – vs. Baltimore – Win 20-3

Alas, we have the stumbled upon the outlier! The lone season-opening victory!!

Led by newly acquired quarterback Jeff Garcia, the Browns were able to start the 2004 season with a win. It was complete pandamonium following this victory both in Cleveland Browns Stadium and for Browns fans everywhere. With just one single victory we all thought the Browns would march straight into the playoffs. We finally had our quarterback, and we finally had a winning team. Of course Cleveland leveraged this start by dropping their next two games on their way to another 4-12 season.

The point here is how quickly everyone was excited immediately after the game. It led to yours truly HAVING to go to next season’s home opener because the sheer excitement coming from that stadium was nothing I had ever experienced.

Week Seven (2005) – vs. Cincinnati – Loss 27-13

My very first Cleveland Browns home opener and I remember absolutely nothing. No, I wasn’t hammered and passed out in the stands. At least that would have been slightly entertaining. My inability to recollect anything from this game was due to Browns best player being Frisman Jackson.

Yes, that’s a real player, and yes, that previous sentence is accurate.

Cincinnati was so efficient on offense they only faced three third downs the entire game. And with that, the short-lived Trent Dilfer Experiment got off to a fascinating start, and my Home Opener Experiment followed suit.

Week Eight (2006) – vs. New Orleans – Loss 19-14

If there is a better sequence of plays that summarizes not just one game, but an entire season, than the first four plays the Browns ran against the Saints in 2006, I’d sure to love to see it.

Be that as it may, I was in attendance again and got to witness the following.

– 1st play of the year: Charlie Frye connects with Braylon Edwards on a 74-yard bomb to go quickly up 6-0. The stadium has erupted.

– Play is called back due to offensive holding.

– 2nd play of the year: run up the middle, no gain.

– 3rd play of the year: Frye is sacked.

– 4th play of the year: Frye is sacked.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2006 Cleveland Browns!

Week Nine (2007) – vs. Pittsburgh – Loss 34-7

My good buddy Lucius ended up with a pair of season tickets for the 2007 season. While Lucius was going to all the games, it was between me and my friend Jared to split up the other seat. We bounced ideas back and forth, even gambled a couple of games away on the golf course, but ultimately decided on this: I would get the Steelers game, and Jared would get the rest. By this time I had already been to plenty of games, but never got to experience a game against the despised Steelers. I wanted to be there first-hand to witness this “classic rivalry.” Throw in the outside chance that Brady Quinn could see some action, and there was no way I was going to miss this one.

As Lucius and I drove back home we stopped at Popeye’s Chicken, and wouldn’t you know, they had completely run out of chicken. Again, just one of those things you can’t forget witnessing.

Looking back, that deal I made with Jared could not have gone any worse.

Lucius and I sat in the pouring rain to watch what can only be described as the worst sporting event I’ve ever been a part of, fan or participant.

After Charlie Frye led the Browns to a quick three-and-out, on came Paul Ernster to punt it away. Without it being blocked or hurried at all, Ernster managed to punt it five yards … yep, five whole yards. Just one of those things you can’t forget witnessing. A five-yard punt.

As Lucius and I drove back home we stopped at Popeye’s Chicken, and wouldn’t you know, they had completely run out of chicken. Again, just one of those things you can’t forget witnessing.

Week Ten (2008) – vs. Dallas – Loss 28-10

My fourth straight – and what would become – my last home opener experience.  Again Lucius and I were attendance, and despite last year’s debacle against Pittsburgh we were actually excited to be going.

Most of that excitement stemmed from Cleveland going 10-6 the year prior and just narrowly missing  out on the playoffs.  The stadium was a buzz prior to the opening kickoff, especially when LeBron James made an appearance to play catch with Cowboys star wide-out Terrell Owens.

That pre-game fervor didn’t last long once the game kicked off.  In a contest that wasn’t as close as the score would indicate, the Cowboys dominated in every facet of the game, amassed 282 more yards than the Browns and rolled to an 18-point victory.

It was somewhere on the drive back home that I told Lucius, “you can count me out for next year.”

Week Eleven (2009) – vs. Minnesota – Loss 34-20

And of course, once I commit to missing the season opener, Brady Quinn received his first – and only – week one start.  Oh, and he went up against Brett Favre, who just three weeks prior had signed on with the Vikings.

Yep, that’s about right.

Even though the Quarterbacks were getting all of the attention, it was quite clear once the game started that the best player was Minnesota running-back, Adrian Peterson.  AP ran for 180 yards to go along with three touchdowns as the Browns started another year off 0-1.

Week Twelve (2010) – at Tampa Bay – Loss 17-14

Ever have a girlfriend do something so egregious that it warranted giving her the “silent-treatment”? Back in 2010, the Cleveland Browns were my girlfriend I refused to give any time to. What was the egregious error?

Enough said.

I’m told the Browns were up 14-3 and driving right before halftime until He Who Shall Not Be Named threw a putrid interception that led to a quick TB touchdown.

Oh, and then He Who Shall Not Be Named managed to pick up two first downs the entire second half.

Great signing Mike Holmgren!

Week Thirteen (2011) – vs. Cincinnati – Loss 27-17

It all seemed to fall into place for the Browns in the 2011 opener.

Despite the Bengals jumping out to the early lead, their QB, Andy Dalton suffered an injury and didn’t play in the second half. Cleveland took advantage and was winning 17-13 late in the 4th quarter while Cincy had to turn to Bruce Gradkowski in hopes of engineering a comeback win.

Bruce Gradkowski has won as many season openers in Cleveland as the Browns have since 1999. There’s not a more sobering fact in the history of the universe.

Based on the history of this article, you should know the outcome by now. With four minutes left, Gradkowski broke their huddle early which caught the Browns sleeping on defense, and threw the game-winning TD pass to AJ Green.  It was a scene right out of The Waterboy.

Bruce Gradkowski has won as many season openers in Cleveland as the Browns have since 1999. There’s not a more sobering fact in the history of the universe.

Week Fourteen (2012) – vs. Philadelphia – Loss 17-16

If you do a youtube search for “Brandon Weeden” the first suggestion that appears is, “Brandon Weeden worst pass ever.” If you knew nothing of his work, that suggestion should tell you all you’ll ever need to know.

What I will remember most from this horrid of a professional football game is Brandon Weeden being so slow, so immobile and lacking so much foresight that he was sacked by the American Flag during the pregame.

Great draft pick Mike Holmgren!

Despite Weeden throwing four INT’s the Browns defense actually had a chance to win it, but linebacker L.J. Fort (yes, that was a week one starter in 2012) dropped a potential game-ending INT which allowed Eagles QB Michael Vick to throw the game-winning TD on the very next play.

Week Fifteen (2013) – vs. Miami – Loss 23-10

In a rarity for the Browns, the same QB started two consecutive season openers! Across the league this type of behavior would be seen as an overwhelming positive, unless of course that QB was Brandon Weeden.

Four times in the Cleveland Browns first 16 years back in the NFL have they had a QB start consecutive season openers. And no one has been able to pull off a three-peat.

1. Tim Couch (00-01)
2. Kelly Holcomb (02-03)
3. Charlie Frye (06-07)
4. Brandon Weeden (12-13)

As for the game itself, Weeden threw interceptions in three of the first five drives. It was a miracle they only lost by 13.

Week Sixteen (2014) – at Pittsburgh – Loss 30-27

If I were ranking the top two QBs the Browns have had since their return in 1999, it would look like this:

1. Tim Couch
2. Brian Hoyer

With all due respect to Kelly Holcomb and Colt McCoy, who would be third and fourth on that list, it starts with Couch and ends with Hoyer. It’s also unfortunate that Couch and Hoyer were treated so poorly during their tenure in Cleveland, but that’s a story better told for another day.

Games like week one last year against the Steelers are reasons why I loved Hoyer so much. Down 27-3 at half, it appeared to be another lopsided victory for Pittsburgh. But Hoyer and the Browns scored on their first four possessions of the second half to tie the game at 27.

Yes they ended up losing 30-27, but led by Hoyer the Browns fought back and flashed moments of competent football. And yes, that’s where the bar is set when it comes to the Cleveland Browns – competency.

Let’s take a look at some numbers to summarize just how incompetent Cleveland has been in starting a season.

1) 1-15 record, including going 1-13 at home and losing their last nine.

2) Twelve different starting QBs. Will be thirteen when Josh McCown starts this year.

3) Outscored, 387-220. For an average game score of 24-14 which was so much closer than I thought it was going to be I triple-checked this.

4) Scored two touchdowns or more in only seven of the 16 games.

In fact the last time Cleveland started the year 2-0?? 1993. Twenty-two years ago. I was eight.

It’s not really a mystery the Browns have been awful since returning sixteen years ago. Winning and stability haven’t found Cleveland no matter what week it is.

The Browns have won 84 games since coming back to the league. And week one is by far their worst. In fact, they’ve won at least three games in every week other than week one.

Their best week? Week eleven, where they actually don’t have a losing record, going 8-8. And of course, they are on a BYE in week 11 this year. Just one more reason why God hates Cleveland. Or one more reason why Roger Goodell should be fired. Probably both.

Maybe we should view this as a blessing. Instead of showering us with false illusions, the Browns decide to get right to the point by making no mistake on what kind of year is in store for the rest of us. In fact the last time Cleveland started the year 2-0?? 1993. Twenty-two years ago. I was eight.

Go Browns.

Peace be the journey.